I’d like to think that by nature I’m a pleasant person to be around. I enjoy listening more than speaking. I love to laugh when the mood strikes, and I relish intellectual conversations and debate. But since the pandemic hit, I feel more lonely than ever.
There, I said it. I’m lonely.
I’m not usually the type of person who is desperate for attention. And for the first couple of months being locked down at home I was fine. But admittedly, while a 2nd wave of COVID-19 sweeps across my state, I feel myself itching to socialize. I yearn for conversation. I crave meeting people and doing things. I know it’s hurting my mental health to not go out.
But it’s not safe yet. Today alone my county saw another death, 37 new cases, and 6 people are in the ICU… and I live in a very small town.
So, I’m staying at home. These four walls are my entire world and in this “bubble” I know that I’m safe.
In the midst of being couped up, I’ve been turning more to talking online to new people on various platforms. A part of me is excited to meet new people and have wonderful conversations. Another part of me feels jaded and skeptical. I’ve made friendships online before and none of them have lasted. It’s so easy to log off and never be heard from again. It’s so simple to block, ban, or delete someone from a friend’s list.
I can’t but wonder if people ever think about the emotional implications that such actions have on the other person. Personally, I find it very difficult to block someone online. Perhaps I’m a bit too tender hearted? I don’t know. I just feel for the other person and never want to cause anyone harm.
I wish that there was a way to talk to people online in a healthy way. I wish there were like minded people out there who wanted to hang out with me just as much as I’d love to hang out with them.
Only time will tell, I guess. Thanks for reading everyone. Xx