Movie Review: The Otherhood

It felt good. I watched an R-rated movie tonight…. by myself… for a solid 2 hours! I curled up in my recliner, tea in one hand, and earbuds in my ears getting lost in this heartwarming story. This movie, available on Netflix Instant Watch, is about three mothers who are best friends. Their sons are all grown, young men and are also friends living in N.Y.C. And yet, somewhere along the way these women found themselves lost without the identity of mothering their sons. Their sons no longer required their help on a day to day basis, and without that…. they felt lost.

They had left daily motherhood and entered…. otherhood: a space in which they began to find themselves again.

I think it’s easy to forget to be individuals beyond our children. We run around so frantic all the time, meeting our child’s needs, taking them to practice, listening to them vent, wiping their runny noses, that we forget to be our own person too. We are adults with needs, feelings, and wants. We were people before having children, and we will be people long after they are grown and have “flown the coup”.

As I watched this movie, I smiled in reflection of my own heart and desires. Once upon a time, I was the nerdy girl who was president of the environmental club at school. I had big dreams to join the Peace Corps. I yearned to take my life and dedicate it towards helping others. At one point, I even thought about being a nun! (Hey, I was deeply inspired by Mother Teresa lol). But, then I had sex for the first time and, well, that idea went right off the table. πŸ™‚

But as I sit here at the young but wise age of 34, I’m reminded that I’m still somebody. My dreams have changed. People have come and gone in my life. But I’m still me. I’m still a creative soul who yearns to leave a small imprint of goodness upon the world. There will come a day when my daughter is grown and striving towards her dreams. And then it will be my time to shift into “otherhood”. (Though I don’t think we ever really stop being parents πŸ˜‰ ). Anyway, this movie was beautiful, and I hope you enjoy it too.

~Punkin xx

Where’s the Manual For This Thing?

There are times when I wonder to myself, “where the heck is the manual to this kid?”. I love my daughter. She’s amazing and the center of my world. But sometimes…. sometimes…. she acts just like me! She’s curious. Deeply curious and for that I’m grateful. She is stubborn and resilient, and if I’m being honest, as much as she tests the living you-know-what out of my patience levels… I also know she is going to grow up and do something great in the world.

But there are times during parenthood when I don’t know what to do. When I’m completely unsure. I’m in uncharted waters and I want to shout, “WHAT CHAPTER IS THIS IN ‘WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN YOU’RE EXPECTING?!!!”. (I read that book cover to cover when I was pregnant). Somehow when she was little things were easy. I’d lift her onto my hip and off we’d go. She has been my buddy from birth. And now… well, she’s still my buddy. And I still call her “my baby”, which my mother thought was absurd and said as much over dinner last weekend.

But my daughter is a pre-teen now. She’s almost a teenager!Β When did that happen?!

We go to the library and she walks up the circulation desk to ask about “young adult novels with hot guys in them”. I did a double take but said nothing. We had the “birds and the bees talk” a bit ago and since then it’s as though her curiosity is piqued. Never mind that she pines for boys from the windowsill, too afraid to go outside and play with them. But her mind is filled with questions. So many beautiful, curious questions. Questions that she expects me to answer. Again, if I’m being completely honest, there are times where I look like a deer in headlights because even I don’t know the answer! I’ll give you an example from the other day.

My daughter was watching a marine life program on Netflix. When it had finished she turned to me.

11: Mom, do fish have sex?

Me: Well, they lay eggs and the baby fish are born from the eggs. So not exactly, no.

11: Do sharks have sex?

Me: Uh, kind of. They mate for the purpose of procre–er, making baby sharks which then are birthed in the water.

(I began to watch her wheels turn even more. I could see another series of questions coming. Sure enough a moment later she looks at me again.)Β 

Me: Yessss?

11: Do elephant seals have sex?

Me: You saw the elephant seals at the beach, remember? They have babies, so yes. As mammals they have sex.

11: Just like us?

Me: Wha– Er, no… They do it to have babies. Where is this coming from, child?

11: Well, think about it for a moment!

Me: Think about what?! Elephant seals having sex?!

11: Yeah! I mean, don’t you think that the daddy seal would CRUSH the mommy seal during sex.

Me: Oy vey….

11: And another thing! Where are their private parts?! I didn’t see THOSE on the beach. Are you suuuure they have sex?

Me: (groans) Let’s Google it.

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More posts as I think of them πŸ™‚

~Punkin Xx

Beauty in Being Alone

Sometimes… I like to be alone. I’m probably the last person in the world that people would think would like to be alone. But it’s true. There are times when I just like a little space. I like to workout alone. I go into my mind, not having to worry about my “workout buddy” and how they’re doing, and I just sweat. My feet fall into the rhythm of the beat. I also like to be alone when I watch a movie. I never understood the whole “Netflix and chill” thing. When I was 18, one of the very first things I ever bought for myself when I rented my first room from a lady was a TV with a DVD player. Back then, that was a big deal. My DVD player was IN the TV! Oh ho ho! I felt swanky.

Being in a long distance relationship and working 40+ hours at Dunkin Donuts led me to some very lonely nights. So I promptly got a Blockbuster’s card, and went everyday after work let out to rent some DVDs. There, in the quiet of my room with my TV dinner, I would sit and immerse myself in movies. I connected with the characters. I cried watching Titanic. I chuckled at the antics of every episode of “Sex in the City”. (Yes, I’ve seen all 6 seasons). And I felt comforted.

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As I got older and into more serious relationships, suddenly movie watching was dominated by what my partner wanted to watch. I like getting lost in a rom-com. But suddenly sci-fi was on the menu. Then I became a mother and I was watching Veggietales and Barney! Oh that giant, purple dinosaur made me want to poke my eyes out with a spoon.

My point in all this is… sometimes it’s nice to be alone. To take personal space and have some quiet. I can sit in a room with my partner and simply be. No words need to be said. Just being there together doing our own thing is enough. I don’t need to fill the space with endless banter and small chat. I hate small chat. As emotional as I am…. I really detest small chat. Tell me something if you have something to say. I’m all ears. But for the love of God, please don’t talk to me about the weather unless something unusual is happening. lol.

So, tonight I am diving into myself. I’m curling up in my favorite hoodie with a cup of tea, popping in my earbuds, and watching a movie all by myself. I’ll browse my endless Netflix playlist with a gentle smile knowing that I get to be in control. Sometimes it’s nice to be totally in control. To choose what we want, simply because we can. πŸ™‚ More thoughts as I think of it.

~Xx