The Myrmidons

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Standing still, a blast from Poseidon hits my face,

and I’m reminded how small I am on this great, vast sea.

Turning my head, I feel him before I see him.

Dark, silky locks of jet black tied back with a maroon bandanna.

He walks towards me with a slight saunter in his step,

a mixture of salt and soap carrying in the air from his presence.

“Captain” I mutter, my heart quickening as I stare into his dark eyes.

“Minnie” he smirks, and it’s all I can do to not squeal.

Oh, how his voice makes me want to twirl like a giddy schoolgirl.

But the truth is, that on this vast ocean, the Captain and I have forged a bond,

of blood, sword, and steel. My ride or die, we know that we have each others back.

“Tali” I whisper, and he steps close. Lifting his weathered hand, he brushes back a lock of my hair.

Qizu” he whispers, his eyes boring into mine.

At the stern of the ship music begins to play.

Vibrations carry through the deck signaling that the shindig is about to begin.

“Come” he mutters, taking my hand in his.

And without a word, I follow…. because he knows that I would follow him anywhere.

9 thoughts on “The Myrmidons

  1. I like it. I do… I think it expresses your idea well, and it’s imaginative. You know what a Myrmidon is. That’s equally impressive. At first I was a little skeptical, but then thought, “Ah, I always wanted to call Mermaids Myrmidons too.” So I kept going.

    It’s very vivid imagery, very classic theme. You need to make the poem longer, though. You probably don’t hear that often, but this is a scene. You need to make it a story. If you want to write this kind o thing—and it’s needed in the genre of poetry—you need to move past the clips. Which the clip was beautiful. I want to read about 1,000 more put together in a long poem.

    Because, obviously, your protagonist is the Myrmidon. I always see them as something like an ant soldier. And of course you’re beckoning the call to the sea, or adventure. But, you need a resolution. Altogether, though, your emotion comes through very strong. That being love— a very good emotion to tap into with writing, and more people ought to do it.

    I mean, I won’t nitpick. I didn’t like your use of the word “Shindig” but, that’s small potatoes, because you know, it might be the tone you need for the poem, if it goes any further. So, I won’t critique that because that’s your style, and I never will critique someone’s personal word choices because that’s just vain.

    It’s intelligent… Just expand upon it. That’s my only suggestion.

    God Bless.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. P.S.

    Your playing with people’s pretensions was a really good choice. You knew—at least I assume—that by opening with the sea you’d draw out a pretension. That’s not an amateur move, even if unintentional. You clearly know what you’re doing. It could have been that you were researching it while writing—that’s what a good writer does. It shows, to my knowledge, a command over metaphor and discipline. I’m not just blowing smoke, either.

    And if you want it to be short, to preserve the metaphor, that’s your choice. I, for whatever reason, think this could come from a larger universe of discourse.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Good Morning B.K.!
      Thank you for the excellent feedback, suggestions, and compliments. It is greatly appreciated. In truth, the characters Captain Taliron Quinn and Master Gunner Minnie Zhang come from an elaborate story that I’ve been writing for almost 2 years now (which, yes, includes a mermaid). I was highly impressed that you knew the term too! Not many people know what a Myrmidon is, so that made me smile. This story is a mere fragment of a much larger band of pirates who choose to go against the societal norm and be a force of good. I can’t wait to share more about them here. 🙂 I’ll definitely make the scene longer next time. Have a beautiful day and God bless you too, friend!
      ~Punkin 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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